Holy Boners

It’s 4:00 am, and I’m up in the loft listening to the rain and the ghost furnace. The house has a hydronic heating system, but the furnace / boiler is toast and needs to be replaced. The wood stove is providing backup heat, though there’s not much need on this balmy October morning. The only other infrastructure in the house is the well pump. So what’s that furnace noise I notice occasionally? It’s a very subtle rushing rumble, just like my boiler used to make when it worked. Now the noise has kicked off, as if the boiler has finished it’s cycle. There is a history of paranormal happenings here, but who ever heard of a ghost furnace? My life is just weird. Wait… I guess it’s the fridge, never mind. Guess I won’t be needing Mark Boccuzzi after all.

Last night I was at the second iteration of a homegrown dance performance. I was looking forward to a more polished version of the first iteration, but instead it was just… different. Some good ideas were thrown out, a bit of awkward material repeated and lots of new flourishes added.  Working up a detailed critique might be a worthy exercise from a directorial perspective. It could also be an atonement – I wasn’t a very good audience member. The on-stage action seemed almost incidental, so distracted was I by the show inside my own head.

Front row center, awash in epiphanies. I want to develop as a director, how does that work? What’s the course plan?

There’s good and then there’s brilliant. What’s the diff? The ability to recognize an asset and the commitment to invest in it. Practice. Polish. Anyone can create, but being able to deepen, refine and complete work, that’s the artist’s way. Art takes dedication, concentration and patience. Being able to listen and watch. Rehearse while staying fresh, forever.

That last bit seems like a contradiction, isn’t it risky to rehearse too much? Consider practices like tai chi and yoga, basically a specific series of movements. By rehearsing these movements repeatedly, the body is endowed with special qualities and powers. Can one do too much tai chi and yoga? Certainly ignorant practice can be injurious and counter productive, but if both the underlying principles and physics are understood and integrated, then there’s no danger of doing too much, in fact the question becomes nonsensical. Can we have too much life?

Rehearsal is either effective or it’s not. Ineffective rehearsals produce low energy and lackluster performance, ie being over rehearsed. Effective rehearsals generate freshness and vitality, you can never have too many. What are the underlying principles and physics of effective rehearsals?

Learning lines and/or movement, that’s the beginning. Once the basic material is assimilated,  it can be integrated. This happens through a playful approach, by pushing the material through a variety of perceptive and kinesthetic filters. For example, an actor might deliver a line with anger and then switch to hilarity and then to melancholy. Different qualities might emerge which can be noted and discussed, depth and meaning discovered. A dancer could explore his movement wearing a blindfold, with weights on his left wrist and ankle, or with a splash of rose water on his collar. Again, different feelings might emerge. These explorations add texture and dimension to the work, perhaps by expanding the complexity of neural connections or the network of associations made to the material.

This is a prop and game based approach to George Leonard’s ideas about mastery. The willingness to return to the beginning, to settle into the plateaus between the leaps of progress, that’s the masters path. Cultivating that perspective reveals the endless subtlety inherent in any experience, making practice forever new and fresh.

Props and games are not essential, but dreaming up new applications for them is certainly fun. By developing an appropriate cognitive tableaux, an attentive director triggers spectacular breakthroughs, helping actors experience what they must.

After the Tuesday and Thursday tai chi class, the core group has been learning how to safely do stunts, parkour and stage fighting, based on the book Combat Mime by J. D. Martinez. Of course I imagined that combat mime would be highly useful for future movie projects, but while staring at the dancers the other night I realized that these evening classes were actually rehearsals. I could approach them as workshops for developing future actors and performance collaborators. I re-imagined myself as director of a future cast, either for movies or theater.

The lads and I are assembling a motion graphics and fx reel. Making a range of support services available to other Michigan film makers could be a lucrative niche. The idea is to repurpose elements from past and current projects and then add new material as we develop it. It’s also an exercise to focus our diverse talents on a common goal, to get better at working together, more organized.

Last night we selected a sequence from Jonathan’s Avenues, a short and rather cynical fantasy about the Detroit auto industry. We shot the live action over a year ago – a veteran executive makes a long winded presentation about the introduction of new car models. The motion graphics comes in with building a conference room around him and then developing the graphics for his presentation. It’s a rather lean and spartan production on purpose, the idea is try and convey the story with just enough detail. It’s almost anime in that sense.

We’ve also got a test scene for Patrick’s concept character, Commando Kill. He’s heavily armed and riding a freight elevator amidst fiery mayhem. The live action is also complete and rotoscoped, ready for a background and pyrotechnics to be inserted. Originally, the plan was to model a background, but to save time we are looking for an existing location with lots of steel beams and clear span. We also had plans to replace one of his weapons with a model, but so far we haven’t been satisfied with the results. Likely we’ll just  track and touch up the live action prop to make it more authentic.

We also dedicated at least one day a week to meeting and making progress.

In other news, the core tai chi folks are starting to study combat mime, so we can safely choreograph fight scenes. Our first session was last night and it was really fun.

On deciding to leave NYC and return to Michigan, I had a plan – to finish open projects. That was a positive way of saying, let’s not start any new projects. I fancied how it might feel to get caught up and have plenty of closure, completion. Quixotically, I latched onto a new collaboration almost immediately! A month and a half later I’m happily back in my own sandbox. Mind, I also made progress on several unfinished projects, but it’s hilarious and intriguing that after getting excited about a reasonable course of action, I flowed my energy elsewhere. Somewhere there’s a scientist nodding, “But of course, your behavior validates my theory!”

Everything I do I do to get laid – that’s my theory. Somewhere in my head I linked up the possibility of getting laid with forsaking my own stuff, which mostly involves staring at screens for hours and days. That’s pretty clear, eh? Editing movies keeps me out of circulation and that’s the hitch, much as I love an elegant cut.

Ok, so maybe I’m not so complex. Gosh, that’s a relief. When I starting writing this post I fretted, “What a can of worms I’m opening here, this has got to be twisted shit about self sabotage and so on. Oh whoa as me!”

The answer is really quite obvious and sweet. Dan Kelly craves connection. How beautifully human.

Back to brass tacks, as they say. How’s the project finishing initiative going to jive with my beautifully human nature? The answer can be found in tai chi – balance. It’s no good to stare at screens only, I’ve got to have a life. There might be other unfinished projects that will get me out of the house. Perhaps some that will help me to meet cool people, a few of whom might be single women. Now you’re talking.

One of my “unfinished projects” happens to be tai chi. I started practicing 6 years ago, and now I’m 1000 miles away from my community. There is no finishing tai chi either, finishing is forever – a daily deepening of my practice. Master Ru says that practicing with other people is the way. Ru’s the bomb, btw. Rather than try and find another tai chi master in remote Northern Michigan, I’ve decided to teach what I already know. Week three of Operation Dive Deep is underway and I’m very pleased with the results. I’ve already got a couple of prodigies, I have to flow like water every day lest they catch me up!

My new tai chi community gets me out of the house twice a week. There’s also something about guiding a practice that feels great. I don’t have any illusions about my role, I am a facilitator and a conduit. I can show the forms and talk about how they make me feel, maybe I can even send a little energy here and there. All this adds up to teaching I guess and tho it’s a little scary to call myself a teacher, it’s a convenient shorthand. I felt both slightly guilty and thrilled yesterday when I realized that it’s a form of what players call social proof. At the root, I’m discovering what being a teacher actually means. It’s a spiritual hot seat. Whoo hoo!

To summarize, I returned to Michigan to complete unfinished projects and realized that having a balanced life is the essential project, and completion actually means attentive, consistent practice. Experiencing achievement and fun, concentration and emptiness, solitary and collaborative discovery, that’s the ticket.

More on unfinished projects (including DOG and Around Lake Michigan) and other reasons why I moved back to Michigan may or not be explored in future posts. Vote now!

As R and D for the top secret Kung Fu Dance and Science Fiction Musical project, Dan is leading Tai Chi practice twice a week.

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Tuesday and Thursday 7:30pm – 9:00 pm
Studio on Main in Frankfort, Michigan

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What to wear?
Street clothes with loose pants and comfortable shoes – or go barefoot if you prefer. Layers to take off as you warm up.

Can I come just once a week?
Yes, but twice is better. The goal is to learn enough so you can practice on your own – between classes. The more classes you come to the quicker you’ll be able to practice on your own.

How much?
• ages 13 – 18, 80+
(Anyone under 18 must have written permission from their legal guardian)
• unemployed
• single parent
= $5/class or $20 for 5 classes

• everyone else
= $10/class or $40 for 5 classes

Barter? Give a call.

Can I bring someone under 13?
If they really want to do the practice AND you are their legal guardian or have written permission from their legal guardian. You must be practicing too.

What the heck is Tai Chi?
My name is Dan Kelly and I’ve practiced Tai Chi under the guidance of Master Yuwen Ru since 2004, http://masterru.com. This fall I’ll be passing on the basics of the practice at Anna Mallien’s Studio on Main in Frankfort, Michigan.

Tai Chi is both a martial art and a moving meditation, which might seem to be something of a contradiction. Isn’t fighting stressful?

People spend lots of money on vacations so they can relax. We want to get away from stressful situations and let go of feelings like anger, fear or frustration. Intense stress causes bad decisions and ineffective action. If popular culture asserts that combat is the ultimate stressful situation, how can a martial art be a meditation?

Tai Chi cultivates calm competence. It might seem odd to think of being totally relaxed and at the same time perfectly prepared, but this is exactly what we experience through Tai Chi practice. Imagine two people facing an intense crisis – one person is aware and calm, and the other is panicked. The calm person has access to all her resources and can act effectively to safeguard her life and the lives of others. The panicked person is a menace to herself and everyone around her. Being able to stay calm during combat is an essential skill for warriors. Being able to stay calm in difficult times is an essential skill for everyone.

Life can be intense. Experiencing a constant state of low grade stress is by definition to age, to deteriorate, to become numb and disconnected. Cultivating a calm and centered presence promotes general health, healing, energization and rapport.

By learning the various Tai Chi forms as a group and then pairing off for pushy hands, we will move beyond our current limits and access resources and abilities we hardly knew we had.

This class is open to ages 13 through 113, students under 18 must have signed permission from guardian. Call / text 231 882 0460 with questions or email anything AT artisthouse DOT com.

Empty mind, open body, fully alive.

Yet another iteration of a mistake I’ve made before.  Perhaps by sharing the shame with my imaginary audience, I’ll find a way to uninstall the pattern, permanently.

Some years back I had this terrific collaborator, let’s call her L. She directed a very sassy and precise dance company. We had worked together on several projects and become fast friends. We also had an equitable financial arrangement – she got decent documentation for her major performances and I got fairly compensated, eventually. All was going well until we amped up our ambition.

I had agreed to collaborate with her on a multi-performance, multi-camera shoot and edit for $1000, deferred. I had already pumped 3 days into production and the edit required about 40 hours more. She wanted to edit with me continuously until completion but the manic schedule threatened my other projects. I proposed we spread the edit over a month or two, working one or two days a week rather than trying and crank it out all at once. Alternatively, I offered to teach her how to do some of the rough cut herself. She didn’t agree and the upshot was that our friendship ended. We never worked together, shared a meal or even spoke more than a sentence or two, ever again.

Recently, history repeated. I offered to record a performance for a good friend, gratis. She was starting to launch her dance career, and I felt honored and excited to help her. During and just after her show she and I had talked about building a company, a performance collective. When I suggested we formally present the concept to the entire cast, she acted resentful and tried to cut me off from the other performers. I resigned from further collaboration and we haven’t had an amicable exchange since.

What do these two situations have in common? Me. Obviously I’m responsible. I’ve transcribed the recent situation to the best of my recollection in an attempt to figure out what I was trying to achieve. It’s accessible only to those directly involved via password. From the analysis, a theory has emerged.

I fancy myself a very devoted and loyal ally to my female friends. If I think they’re groovy then they get the best of my resources. The funky part is that I would also toss them the keys to my power. As long as they didn’t step over the invisible line, they got to run me a little. This sounds strange, but when I was a kid my mom was super manipulative, so I guess I associated manipulation with feeling loved.

It’s taken me a lifetime to find my clandestine patterns and yank their wires. 47 years to remove one single letter ‘c’ and change Covert to Overt. I’d rather ham-handedly advocate a transparent agenda than be the slick but unwitting agent of a murky machiavellian intrigue. Manipulation is subtle. Turning off the secret programs starts with seeing them. Here’s the latest, my integrity trap.

I encouraged my former friends/collaborators to use me a bit. I tolerated bad behavior – they got to take without giving,  be lax with gratitude and talk shit about their husbands, lovers, family and friends. I was enabling, facilitating addiction and sucking them towards unconsciousness. Only people with incredible integrity can resist, and that is precisely the point. It’s a test.

The invisible line divided what I would and wouldn’t tolerate. It was invisible in the sense that my friends had no idea that there was a limit to my generosity and tolerance. Nasty, eh? If they crossed the line I’d balk, withdraw my bounty and refuse to be manipulated further. I’ve led women right up to the edge and urged them to cross it. It’s natural for a person to see how far they can push an advantage – so what was I expecting? I was looking for higher nature, for intuitive acuity, for integrity. If she fell into the trap – game over, friendship finished.

It’s freeing to understand how I’ve been setting these situations up. The dysfunction of the trap was not it’s outcome, but that it operated below my own awareness and that it set folks up for failure. I couldn’t fathom the origins or implications of my actions, and thus I felt hurt. I imagined my friends had rejected me, when it was really my own robust defenses kicking in. The trap also revealed plenty of dependable friends, true sisters who refused to cross the line, who shine with integrity. Now I don’t need the trap to evaluate integrity, just paying attention is adequate.

One final note – Jessica recently invited me to join her Facebook Group, the “Support Group for Adults/Children Coping with Parents with Mental Illness.” I don’t think my parents are mentally ill, but considering the amount of crap I’ve had to clear out of my own attic, I’m down with joining.