I am reminding myself that an AVCHD camera archive  has to be mounted for FCPX to find the media.

Also, there’s a protocol for moving events and having them be recognized by FCPX – from within FCPX and not from the Finder. I’ve moved Events and Projects folders from previous installs of FCPX using the Finder, are those events and projects now trashed? I’d like to recover all those projects and have most of them on one drive. I’ll have to experiment with putting the old folders back into /movie or root and find out if FCPX can see them. My earlier explorations of FCPX copied the original media, so finding and remounting AVCHD shouldn’t be an issue.

Great moviemakers are not afraid to edit. To become a savvy editor, it’s key to have a working knowledge of VFX. Rotoscoping is a core VFX skill. See the dominos? But don’t take my word for it, cue the gurus…

“But one thing is certain-the technologies and techniques that we think of as being primarily a part of “visual effects” are really becoming the tools that will be used for any kind of sequential-image storytelling. Image manipulation has become the heart of postproduction, and knowledge of these concepts will benefit anybody who wants to work in that industry.”

Ron Brinkmann, The Art and Science of Digital Compositing

“As a VFX artist, you are primarily creating motion graphics or visual effects. A thorough knowledge of rotoscoping and roto tools is vital to solving a vast amount of problem solving in VFX: rig removal, stereo conversion, greenscreen compositing, hold out mattes, split screens, and even object or feature-based color grading. It is perhaps one of the widely used tools in visual effects.”

Mike Seymore from fxguide.com (one of the dudes from FXPHD.)

I have to evaluate interns at the end of the semester using CTC’s form, so let’s look at the categories that are most important to Trickster Pictures. Read everything, there will be a test!

4. Communication / Social Skills

Since we are all working remotely, extra effort has to be made to stay in touch. Take the time to appreciate that this internship is actually more difficult than going to an office somewhere – working on our own requires that we concentrate,  stay motivated and keep organized. Though we’ll be building technical competence, learning to thrive as a member of a (remote) team is our first priority.

Check in – whether you have questions or just want to make a progress report. This includes talking to the other interns too and being receptive when they check in with you. Keep the team in the loop.

How?

We’ll usually meet on Wednesday face to face. The rest of the week you should…

phone and text 231 882-0460
email doorbell@tricksterpictures.com
ftp (cyberduck, filezilla)
ftp.artisthouse.com (get login – username and password)
post to your new wordpress blog

Text is the best for me, it’s the least invasive to my focus and reaches me quickly. If I don’t respond to text within 3 minutes, phone.

For more complicated questions, email me a detailed explanation including illustrations, screen captures etc. Then text or phone to let me know there’s an email. It’s helpful to be looking at the same thing if we have to problem solve.

FTP is the best way to exchange biggish or proprietary files – movies, work files, etc. Learn to use Cyberduck or Filezilla, know your login.

Everyone now has a WordPress blog to post notes on. See Organizational Skills below.

Facebook is not an effective way to reach me. I don’t check it very often and I don’t want Facebook corp being able to peek at my projects and business. Keep Trickster media and projects off Facebook and such-like social media unless I authorize postings.

When?

Whenever you have questions, need advice on how to approach a problem, have a breakthrough or just want to share an insight – check in. If I know what you’re working on / thinking about consistently, that’s solid communication. Even if I don’t have the answer to a question right away, I may have a brainstorm later. Sharing daily emails or blog posts will keep our inspiration up. That’s the basis for great collaboration.

On the CTC evaluation form, everyone’s Communication/Social Skills starts with a D and that’s only because I am assuming I’ll see your smiling faces on Wednesdays – otherwise you’d start out as an F. You are guilty until proven innocent. The more you check in with me, the better your evaluation will get. Any questions?

10. Follows Directions

The internship tradeoff goes like this – you help me finish my projects and I help you get mad skills – in VFX, production, editing and maybe even life. If you don’t follow my direction, not only will my work not get done but you’re not going to benefit from my experience – so why are we working together? Your job is to pay attention and follow through. If you are confused, I expect to hear from you with questions, (see Communication/Social Skills above).

When I give you direction verbally, via email, text, etc. you should…

1) acknowledge
2) if you do not understand, ask questions until you do.
3) when you do understand, reflect the direction back in your own words.
4) make a plan to act – what do you need, when, who’s help, etc. and share your plan with me.
5) act
6) report on progress

Usually you’ll receive written direction via email or text whenever possible – so if you don’t follow through there will be a record, (dun dun dunnn!)

So let’s say you didn’t follow through, why not? You must learn to overcome setbacks and obstacles by documenting what happened and then assessing what went wrong. To be effective, an assessment has to go deeper than the following…

I lost it (the directions, your hard drive, etc.)
I forgot
Wha?

Why did you forget, were you too distracted? Why did you loose it, do you need to implement better organization?

This is better…

I deliberately poured Vernors on my keyboard because I was unable to pull a bezier handle off of the x value in the graph editor to tweak a curve between two position keyframes – Agk!

Whenever you run into an “issue”, ask yourself – What has to change so I can realize my dreams?

A Corollary – are interns worth the trouble?

I am into making movies… but I don’t want to spend more time staring at screens than I absolutely have to. Dan Kelly is about plenty of RL with friends and fun. That means when I am on working I want to spend most of my time creating cool stuff. As an artist using computers, lot of things try to get in the way – software/hardware glitches, arcane reference and technical resources, social media distraction, loosing the objective of the moment by chasing after tangents, re-inventing the wheel, corporate malfeasance, energy attacks from the spectral dimensions… As interns, if you are paying attention and following through, then you are NOT getting in my way. That should be your mantra.

1. Quality of Work

Why do something if we’re not going to do it well? And yet, everyone has their own ideas about quality. What makes an effect cool, compelling, hilarious, believable? How can we tell when our work is good enough?

With Trickster Pictures projects, we are going for professional results. To properly track and roto, an artist must develop patience, perseverance and a discerning eye. Technical esoterica comes and goes – but patience, perseverance and discernment are useful forever. Think about roto as a method – a practice – for developing these more general skills.

Guy is lost in NYC, he asks a cop for directions…

Guy “Hey Officer, how do I get to Carnegie Hall?”
Cop “Practice, practice, practice.”

Get excited to do a lot of the same thing, over and over. Zen.

So how will Dan Kelly evaluate the Quality of your Work?

By developing patience, perseverance and discernment, you’ll get a solid evaluation. I’ll measure your progress through your blog posts (see Organizational Skills below) and by checking your roto.

2. Knowledge of Required Tasks

The required tasks are becoming a competent rotoscoper on the Trickster Pictures VFX team. We’ve already established that consistent communication and the development of patience, perseverance and discernment are essential to that outcome. Doing the tutorials will build your theoretical foundation. Working on actual Trickster projects will hone your chops.  Carnegie Hall. As long as you follow through on all of this, you’re good to go.

3. Organizational Skills

Being some kind of media genius means squat if you are unorganized. If you’re unorganized, you’ll show up on sets unprepared, you’ll loose files you spent hours (weeks) on, deadlines will be stress feasts, your collaborators will curse you, clients will fire you, your hair will fall out and you’ll develop strange rashes… and you certainly won’t score. I know what it’s like to be < 21, you’ve got time on your hands, right? Who cares how long it takes or whether you actually accomplish anything at all? Somebody as to feed you – right?

Ok, welcome to my world. Remember that bit about not getting in my way? If I have to work harder because you’re my intern, you won’t be my intern for very long. You WILL get organized when working with me. Comprende?

Fine, Dan Kelly, I want to be organized. I’m a tabula rasa, an empty vessel, TEACH!

You are going to start by keeping a notebook that we can both see. It’s called a WordPress blog. Here’s what you post there…

when doing video tutorials or reading manuals, take notes
when you figure out how to do something complicated, write a detailed recipe for how you did it that other VFX artists could follow
ideas about future projects
links to movies you post on youtube, vimeo, etc.
insights about current projects, improving workflows, flashes of insights
challenges you are facing
thoughts on why is Dan Kelly so amazing
progress on current assignments
log of hours and activities spent as intern for Trickster Pictures
other

See the bold stuff? That’s mandatory.

Posting to your blog is how I know you’re not dead. This is important because I am investing in you, and I need to know that my investment is going to pay off. If you’re dead, then I’ve got to train another intern – and that will make me very angry. So, not only do I advise you to stay alive, but you had better prove you are breathing to me at least once a day – more often if care about your evaluation.

Summary

• Check in often, at least daily and whenever you’re working on any movie in any capacity

• Take notes and post hours on your blog. Wax poetic about your discoveries, be detailed and specific about what you are working on, whether you are enjoying the process, what you need to remember, ideas, etc.

• When I give direction, immediately acknowledge. That means replying via email, text, calling me back, etc. If you don’t understand, ask questions. If you do understand, reply with a plan.

• Following through means that you are not wasting my time, getting in my way. It also means that you’ll be moving toward the manifestation of your wildest dreams, which is also a good thing.

• Mastery comes from practice. Do the tutorials and get ready, you are about† to become amazing…

†about = ~3 months

There are long takes of Christina from only one camera. We’re stuck with the pacing (plodding in parts) unless we can devise cutaways to tighten her delivery. I’m actually looking for opportunities to lay in backstory so maybe (maybe) there’s an opportunity here.

Revising the script might be more efficient than actually trying to edit the pilot on the fly with placeholders.

Another cool thing about staying with the episodal length is that it’s closer to a feature than a short, which is more of where I want to be anyway, far as directorial experience is concerned. Course, this creams my festival strategy but maybe it’s better to just finish than try to make my first movie into some sort of multi-tool. I started out with a 10 minute script but when the ship came into the picture, I welded on a wad of backstory and business that took it way over 10 minutes. Ask for pensive and slightly hesitant performance and the whole thing sort of stretches out. Now we gotta make those choices fly. I accept that it’s gotta be long, if the blueprint specifies a motorcycle, I can’t very easily build a bicycle instead. I’ve gotta accept that DOG is a motorcycle and just move forward. Originally I thought that making it shorter would mean less VFX hours, but it’s a much bigger hassle to slash away chunks of dialogue and still have something coherent.

Here are elements.

PKD

At the end with G and C there’s the Philip K business, why G decides to go ahead. It’s all out of the blue unless we get some reference early on. I just thought it could stand alone, but it wants to be part of a round trip. Therefor, Christina as a child being read PKD by Uncle Joe in early scene. This could be over shots of still life apocalypse, Christina’s reverie. Nice passage from Radio Free Albemuth, prologue.

Shortwave

It’s in the phones, it’s how the world communicates. We have plenty enough recorded. I like the changing sequence and it wouldn’t hurt to have an introduction to shortwave up front, at the start. How does that square with PKD bedtime story? Two audio tracks that fade in and out of each other? Keep it simple. Could we start with radio broadcasts that take us around the world, the different voices (ethnicities) suggesting shifting geographies? Then how do we get into bedtime story, is it a flashback? Antennas in varying locations, we hop around to different refugee locations until eventually landing on our boat. This is all in Christina’s head?

Creaks

The creaking cabin when Christina open for Joe is great, the squeaking bed, every moving thing could have an over the top squeak, there’s nothing slippery any more, end of oil. Maybe folks like the creaks and squeaks because… Add squeak to PKD drawer. It’s random business, but maybe it will find a home.

Crashing glass

This really isn’t doing much for me and I wonder if perhaps it’s better off cut. What’s the point, what’s it saying about Gerry? Shouldn’t we see more glass around him in the cabin? What does breaking glass have to do with Gerry, anything? Sure he’s a maker / chemist / engineer/ electro geek but we can build up more? Can we hint at his imminent translation? Perhaps even the grandma china in the tea ceremony fits, but what does all this glass tell us? Is he fragile? Why does he keep breaking things? How does crashing glass relate to squeaks?

Other

Bra schtick has got to go
C’s fade on in turn away to abrupt (?)
Gerry silhouette on top of ship when she approaches – we can see but she can’t
Apocalypse – What do the shots tell us? What do we want to say?
The earth makes everything right. Healing power of wilderness. Leave it alone.
Water and bricks = buildings submerged
Cruise ship on canyon = tsunami, time passage
highway =  civilization grinds to a halt
old school post industrial shots  can be fast forwarded with relevant graffitti

physically robust, feeling/looking svelte and yummy.

Daughter of God is finished.

Ultimate Around Lake Michigan Expedition.

Science Fiction Musical script and score/lyrics.

6 new feature scripts.

Feature well into production / completed.

3 sets of 15 handstand pushups, all the way down.

3 sets of 20 pull-ups.

Flying roll, horizontal.

Sword form, ru yi form. Life arts fully integrated.

Gorgeous and conscious women delight in sharing life with me, especially consistent deep intimacy and affection. raise my sights.

Production/VFX crew established and working.

M3 thriving and delegated – I have the ideal role.

Memory sharp and quick.

Festival awards.

Global presence and project distribution.

Profound yoga and tai chi practice.

With James Weston established a regional production affinity group, the Michigan Movie Makers.

Launched the Biannual Micro Movie Marathon, a festival of shorts up to 3 minutes, including all genres and levels of experience. Intended to be a fun way to inventory who’s doing what in the region.

Volunteered as an adhoc editor for the Traverse City Film Festival video team to create an awards montage.

Dede Alderman instant music videos, 3 camera shoot at Point Betsie, 5 songs recorded within an hour before sunset. Joe Cissel assisted. Posted within 2 weeks.

4 kick ass parties – Year of the Rabbit New Year Party, Not So Good Friday Party, Secret Party and Why Atheists love Christmas, a Party. Parties combine community building with an ongoing exploration of the spontaneous social arts. What do beings do when they are just being – together?

Posted version 0.9 of the Trickster Pictures VFX reel. This is the beginning not only of the completion of DOG, but establishing the chops for more ambitious projects.

An expanded VFX team is coalescing – including 2 interns at TBA CTC and 2 promising contractors. This is in addition to myself and Jonathan.

Proposed collaboration with the TSO (Traverse Symphony Orchestra). Although no action has been forthcoming, it was a worthy and visionary idea.

Submitted a bumper to the TCFF (rejected) and did titles for Lesley Tye’s bumper that got honorable mention. Another amazing trailer by Jamie Barnard was also rejected, so obviously the judges were either drunk or not drunk enough.

Abrupt cessation of progress on DOG points to deeper personal issues. Blog posts explore the inner landscape and reveal the way – November, Desire, Emotional.

New snow tires make Odyssey viable for heavy winter weather. Jaunts to the east coast are more viable than last winter.

Fabrication workshop nearly completed, stone cutting, fiberglass, welding, miniatures, sets…

Consistent year of yoga and tai chi practice with mostly Patrick and Liz, including cameos by Dwayne, Joe and James on occasion.

Explored a collaboration to produce dance teaching videos with Mykl, James and Jamaica.  After extensive communication and research, we could not agree on a profit sharing scheme so the project was shelved, demonstrating that solid pre-production reveals the viability of a project sooner rather than later.

Got to be great friends with James Weston Schaberg.

Dance on ice project with Weston, Patrick, Erin, Tiffany and Gretchen, research for Science Fiction Musical

Improved as a partner dancer and danced with a lot of lovely women.

Acquired mats for combat mime / parkour and trained with Patrick and Joe, after initial instruction from Josh. Started diving rolls.

Estate simplified, steward of 4077 Crystal Drive.

Grew a garden and conceived the greenhouse. Spontaneous tomatoes from composted poop!

Swam lots. Freediving at the blueline all summer.

Indoor bathroom with sink!

Initated prep for the crash of consumer civilization.

Smattering of new songs and lyrics.

Here’s a bland definition of ecosystem  – a biological community of interacting organisms and their physical environment. What’s intriguing are the interactions, specifically the symbiotic interactions. From a species perspective, one might contend that all interactions are symbiotic – predators cull the weak from the herd, parasites trigger a vigorous immune response from hosts, etc. Ultimately, species adapt and improve. I don’t care about about movie makers as a species though, I care about movie makers as individuals and especially one in particular – me. What does the metaphor of an ecosystem do for Dan Kelly?

Let’s consider categories of Movie Makers based on primary motive / consistent achievement.

Entrepreneur – make money
Artist – realize a vision
Student – aspire to be an Entrepreneur and/or Artist
Enthusiast – enjoys the process, supports family or friends, perhaps transition to Student
Audience – passion for movies

I’m swapped Entrepreneur for Professional so as not to confuse motivation with quality. Artist and Student movies may have insignificant budgets and still achieve professional results while Entrepreneur movies may be well funded schlock. Big budgets are usually associated with a profit motive, but quality requires more than the desire to make money. To simplify the symbiosis concept, I’m going to stick with one primary motivation per category.

It might seem counter intuitive to lump together all levels of experience and expertise, but a vital community is diverse! We are are an…

Ecosystem?!

From the Entrepreneur’s perspective, Artists deliver essential creative services, Students are interns with fresh perspectives and Enthusiasts provide budget stretching magic as volunteers. From the Student viewpoint, Entrepreneurs and Artists are mentors and Enthusiasts an army of free crew/extras. From the Artist’s perspective, Entrepreneurs are clients, Students apprentices and Enthusiasts pure potential.  For the Enthusiast,  Entrepreneurs, Artists and Students represent involvement in exciting projects, offer a chance to show off a bit (“That’s MY barn in the helicopter chase scene!”) or are simply family and friends worthy of support and encouragement. Of course, the Audience wants great movies… and how many productions would be possible without an audience, whether actual or imagined?

All of these motivations are essential to the process of making movies. Everyone is important. Which category of movie maker is Dan Kelly? The surprise ending is that all of these motivations are mine, I am an ecosystem unto myself. Movie making requires both symbiotic interactions within a community and synergistic integration of the self.

Defining myself as an artist only is limiting. Diverse dynamics – intense vision, constant aspiration, robust financial metabolism, immersion in process and love for stories – helps a director realize great projects. That’s my approach to M3 too, bringing together different perspectives to foster complex interactions like cooperation and perhaps even… symbiosis.

key emotion = description (what it feels like) what is the trigger, what has to happen for me to experience this

mystery = the shining, shimmering basis for everything, what I know I am, the direct experience of being. a sort of grinning wonder beyond intellect and causality. pragmatic, serviceable, exultant awe and gratitude

experience myself experiencing and ask, who am I, who experiences? anytime there are just no words. no rule for this, only opportunity

attentive, perceptive = letting the world as it is, in. noticing what’s happening, what it is to be me and others, open to nuance, soaking up subtle information rich energy. presence, projection free

open and empty, letting the moment flow in, energy down hands

intuition, insight = a knowing unprecedented, yet with a certain resonance, just feels right. a leap from a logical and demonstrable position to an unexpected but perfectly coherent and self consistent understanding. Often we don’t know how we got there, but looking back there’s a solid rationale waiting, after the fact

rush of realizing, knowledge from nowhere, everywhere. happening constantly. notice and enjoy

magic, mystic = clearly I’ve got super powers that I can count on. I constantly discover more of myself, transcendent talents and undocumented features. I have a pragmatic acceptance of my abilities, even if they are way beyond what is generally accepted as possible. You’ve just got to be me to understand, they’re secret in the sense that gifts don’t need to be debated, they are not pry bars for unsettling rigid minds. advertising is contra-indicated, not everyone get’s an in.

trusting my own experience and acting, being in wilderness and feeling alive, looking into eyes and holding steady gaze, wide open and relaxed

integrity, honesty = when I reveal and express what’s happening / happened for me, how I feel or felt, what I want. perhaps with a smidgen of trepidation but without shame or self loathing. acting in accord with self awareness, following my own path, being present for whatever is going on.

realize that there are always many layers and reasons, inventory them for myself and then just trust

health, vigor, way sexy, lithe, physically fluent = when the body is beautiful and tuned, easy and vibrant. being able to move in astonishing ways, suffused with the energy of the cosmos, a vehicle for same. I am this body as I am the stars, to be present and radiant in every cell and sinew is to be fully alive as the universe. this body is my local manifestation and deliberately charged with divinity. I cherish my physicality, it’s how I come to be here and now.

being present in my body, initiating awareness of physical sensations, even just standing and being a miracle. I instantiate myself as the local expression of the cosmos

awe, surprise, sensory rapture, engaged = caught by sheer beauty / horror of the human game, creative grooving with whole shebang, down the rabbit hole, art making, eureka! moments

participating in the creation of anything – small or large, transient or lasting. could be a new day dawning, just that I am part of it, i am it

joy, laughter, exhilaration = life is good, bursting forth from the inside out, being a source of brimming fun, inexhaustible

open my chest and blast, shiver and let life wash over me daily

trust = the universe is uniquely friendly to me, that’s the way i configured Dan Kelly. in the age of kali yuga, I’m the dude who rallies, who doesn’t give up, who soars where others sink. in the end, I’m going to be ok, because it’s all going to be ok. this is a dangerous game because it’s more interesting that way. we’re all having a little nightmare so that waking up will be a lark. ever dream that all your teeth fell out, or that you were endlessly pooping on a filthy toilet surrounded by strangers? what luck to be only dreaming, dreaming, dreaming. being in my part all the way is ok ’cause deep down i know what’s going down, trust. of course there really are ghoul spooks from the 8th dimension, and I’m gonna rub out  their sorry butts – whee hoo!

i am the incomparable Dan Kelly, playing this persona impeccably. perfect portrayal while taking into account the stage, the costumes, my fellow players. every improvisation is on

confidence = knowing I’ve got it going on, the situation is mastered even before I make one move, it’s definitely gonna be a coup and if there’s any question it’s perhaps only the trivial details of the triumph. That’s because no matter what, all I’ve got to be is me. practice and approach keeps me ever blooming

rub hands, to head and face and give an energy massage, relax and enjoy perfect confidence. i am the perfect Dan

healing = if there’s hurt, pain, imbalance, sorrow… I can help. I’m best with hands on, and can even set things right with a word or two. my food brings happiness. healing and helping is my natural inclination. much gratitude.

putting hands on anyone and knowing I’m on, instantly. Smiling when there is no me, just the universe extant

conscious generosity = giving is an art, not an obsession. I’ve learned to give only when others are ready. truly a boon to myself and others when we get quiet and attend to the moment. if the way is clear then giving is pure bliss.

giving to those who truly will benefit, especially myself

connection, rapport = human to human usually and even more – me to lover, with and between. body contact and eye’s meet. dance with grace and cables of magnetic clarity thick from our hands and tapped into matching spine and shoulder, neck and wrist. knowing another with or without speaking

just feeling air on skin, or eyes recognizing recognition

intimacy, affection = this is skin to skin, dan to woman, a meshing uniquely enabled by how these bodies work, how we grew them. certainly intimacy can happen through any sharing, phone or email, little gifts… but ultimately we’re on for the ultimate sharing, pressing soft and fuzzy fleshscapes together and sculpting each other ecstatic. sexual si, but that’s a spectrum – far deep, stretched wide and dizzy high

to touch and be touched with deep presence, to brush by another seemingly by chance, but pack it with blooming energy, ha!

savvy, competent = friendly with the vagaries of instrumentality, fluent in bringing things into being in a manner which can be understood and accepted by most folks and fully recognized by just a few. just enough knowledge for situation, the right tools, the appropriate practice, the optimal network and relevant research. I get it.

handling situations with aplomb, even just walking with focus and emptiness

calm during crisis, there’s a way = demonstrated countless times in my life, through i’m not crisis compulsive, when it happens I shine. i dig clicking into a mode that is both a root expression of who i am and the result of years of careful design and practice.

remembering that my character rocks

innovating, problem solving  = whatever the situation, there’s a cosmic channel open to consult. when the answer is really righteous, i feel it like a surge of juice, the rightness is oh so there. or just tinkering, looking at a question, sitting with it. a flash of the way, the very next day. makering and networks, universally applicable

rolling through and acknowledging myriad obstacles with attentive persistence

exploration, discovery =  inviting the unknown, the unexpected, the intrinsically unpredictable and then then bringing my practices and talents into play. applying all my aspects. what can be experienced? what’s available to me? applied curiosity. making love to mystery.

moving into any unknown and remembering to feel lucky

adventure  = let’s face it, adventure is risk. intelligent and audacious risk of all or part of what we’ve come to cherish and celebrate for the next question, for core values, all of the above. some of my adventures come on because of a slight shirking of protocol, call it being irresponsible, some come without any precedent and some are chosen. of the later category, there may be a worthy objective or i might just be staying in practice. it’s possible that many in the first and second category are a cosmic practice, happening below my immediate attention but apparent after the fact. i’m not flippant about adventure, but when it’s on I’m game.

knowing when to risk death or injury for any of my core values

encounters with the ineffable feminine = admittedly, there’s a pinch of terror in this mix, though it’s mostly wonder, melting service and celebration, the thrill of command and taking over, surrender, death to assumptions and mystery incarnate. this would be a top value but for the knowing that a man has to exist, must instantiate and constantly reconstitute or be utterly consumed by passion and devotion to woman, at least this man. thus all the above coming ahead, get’s me here.

women who radiate appreciation and desire, feeling gratitude for them and marveling that there is such a thing as beauty at all

12/7/11 Wrangling moving away from values is tough! Would I rather experience a lack of integrity or be unprepared for attack, crisis? Moving away from values are all yukky, but which are the yukkiest? the most vile? it’s quite the defining exercise. Later – I’ve been writing descriptions and now it’s actually fun, it’s grand. Hopefully the descriptions will help me sort them. What are the values I move away from

key emotion = description (what it feels like) what is the trigger, what has to happen for me to experience this

lack of compassion = to catch another’s pain and deny my own perception, to negate and invalidate the pounding energy of anguish, one of the most elemental of unifying forces. i pretend not to see or hear my sobbing neighbor and instead stare at my little fence, pace off the measure of my manicured lawn. it’s not even about whether I take action or not but rather closing down my own radar, forgetting that the other and I are always one, whatever incarnation they may take. to be arrogant, which is to assert absolute certainty without attention, without reception.

if my inner dialogue projects an ‘other’

even in a life and death struggle, ‘hating the opponent’ doesn’t ultimately yield auspicious results. feeling the essential unity makes the kill sacred and sane, as in thanking the creatures who die for our dinner. we can and do kill parts of ourselves all the time. recognizing that there is no ‘other’ either within or without keeps us whole, regardless of what we leave behind.

if all we can really change is ourselves, and changing ourselves really only works via compassion, then perhaps physicality is a projection of inner space. to identify and neutralize the opposition is really to find ourselves outside, eg in other bodies. we imagine behaviors or passions to be other and seek to wipe them out but that’s obviously that’s a war against ourselves, un-winnable. If we understand what the behavior or passion is ultimately designed to do, (effective or no) we can untangle and integrate, gently moving away from acting at cross purposes. Approaching outer space as a process of revealing and uncovering the underlying unity, knowing that the seeming other is actually a part of me acting at cosmic cross purpose, then the idea of opponent disappears – can we see how we all are trying to serve a cosmic agenda? integration as synonymous with neutralizing and even with offing another, but that’s an extreme. how is your enemy trying to help you?

subservient conformity, blind obedience to authority, poisonous mediocrity = to allow my entire being, with all my highly acute sensory channels, physical prowess, sparkling intelligence, strategic resources and magic to be utterly taken over and made to serve any unexamined and unevaluated outcome or motivation. to accept and align with whatever seems to be the most acceptable behavior, the least offensive and controversial, to base my decisions and actions on another’s standards, morays and tastes, without the least thought for implication or ultimate outcome.

any action unsupported by intuition, any evaluation lacking compassion

unprepared for attack or crisis = these days one would have to be pretty naive not recognize that there are enemies who would either subvert or destroy the stewards of earth and awareness. to not anticipate and prepare myself for encounters with these adversaries, to believe i can somehow resist quietly, secretly without being discovered and targeted is patently irresponsible and delusional. therefor, i am always ready for adventure, i cultivate joy and connection to life and I pay attention. to not do these things consistently and resolutely is to be unprepared for attack and crisis.

if i and the projection of other intend a common outcome, are always unified somehow (perhaps our conflict is the point) then being prepared to fully engage is always worthy. therefor, the only time i can feel unprepared is if, upon recognizing my dear enemy, I don’t crack a smile.

lack of integrity = is to undermine my own history and experience, to act against my own health, to forget that the entire universe is my ally, my own body. to forget my bliss and sever from it subtly, to be against myself, either locally or universally. to believe that I can act against myself and attempt to do so without an aside to the audience or a knowing wink at the camera. to deliberately forget that i am all this, failure to remember and act.

i feel a lack of integrity if I assert (without a wink and a nudge) that I am only my local instantiation

insecurity, self doubt, self hate = to conjure up some wound or unjust action, to think that i am anything less than the whole shooting match and imagine my local experience is indeed anything but a wild ride, a bit of inspired theater. to constantly refresh a pattern that’s just no fun, and call it “real”. to experience the pain fully and make the following evaluation: I – the cosmic creator, star stirrer, mother of all men, most delightful and awe filled of children, lush oxygen generating forest, prolific producer of the ultimate plant food, healer and pleasure master – suck.

insecurity is only possible if my energy wants to come flow and I try to stop it

begging for attention, craving recognition, taken for granted, discarded and disregarded - being obsessed with the idea that my worth, identity and joy is dependent on the flippant and transient approval of others, that I don’t exist without big poppa or big momma watching my every antic. that dropping 5 dollars on the street anonymously is not one of the greatest games ever invented, that a gold star on my homework is worth a good goddamn. the need to be noticed and acknowledged is a crisis of identity and abhorrence of the glorious game, where our audience is the entire cosmos, and all consciousness marvels at the skill of my portrayal. to beg for attention and crave recognition is to be blind to the limelight that blares upon my upturned face, to be deaf to the thundering applause of all eternity. to think that my flowing ecstatic power can be somehow flushed down a drain and lost, that it doesn’t bathe my target and energize some other aspect of existence perhaps thousands of miles distant. that it doesn’t bounce like a chromed pin ball off a thousand bumpers and right back to me, racking up innumerable karmic credit points in the process. That my generous radiance could possibly be neutralized.

I feel discarded and disregarded only by denying desire, by trying to kill it through pragmatism. having what i want starts by experiencing it deeply, desire is a rehearsal. each step in seduction is a more vivid and immersive rehearsal until suddenly you we can taste it.

chronic fear, chronic pessimism – to get stuck like a needle on scratched and spinning vinyl, running over and over an experience, wearing the grooves ever deeper. to narrow my wide spectrum down to a single photon, bouncing endlessly between my eye and the scuffed and oxidized gray plastic of faux leather. reduce the wild riot of delicious savor down to a single flavor, scrummy and stale, and taste it forever. fear and pessimism have their place in the great pageant, but as a theme they are tedious, as a foundation they are unstable, as an under-painting they eat light. chronic fear and pessimism is an futile attempt to limit our natural complexity and richness to a single self hating cliche.

I can only experience chronic fear and pessimism if I do not make an attempt to break and scramble repetition, however familiar

failure to rebound, rally – having crashed and burned, fallen, crushed and broken, to not reanimate and scare the bejesus out of everyone, to not regenerate, to not grab against gravity and rise up, swaying and scarecrow-like, to not pull of a improvisation and even totally accidental sneak attack that decides the moment for my team. to forget how much fun it is to be the bad ass, comic, banged and bloodied uber hero. to sob and cry and rollover for yet another kick to the kidneys.

i can only experience failure to rebound and rally if I give up trying to create a worthy outcome

rigid, brittle – when i tense and clench for strength and safety, when I decide that closing my doors to the swirling salvation of the fluid universe will serve me in any situation, if i habitually choose to be stone or iron over water, air or best of all just empty. when I armor my body, my being and become the foolish fortress waiting for the siege, a giant lumbering target, a study in strategic failure. i can root down, sink deep, stand firm by locking into the very structure of reality, not becoming something separate to be dashed against it, shattered upon it,  broken over it or crushed under it. being rigid and brittle is to make myself other, form a sort of thin crust, a fragile shell and call it protection, security, safety. It is to forget that as an aspect of the universe, I can only pretend to be something else.

refuse to take energy hands down in the moment OR neglect practice for more than 7 days

waste – to take for granted the gift of life, the precious abundance of the universe as it flows all around me, sustaining and supporting my story. To cut off from the resources I have provided, to toss away my envelope of enigmatic nick nacks from my omniscient self. To casually tip anything into the yawning maw of landfill, to burn or squander the moment, whatever it offers – light, heat, electricity, friendship, food. To not notice when a resource can be saved, repurposed and passed on, and do so.  To toss my pearls before the pearl blind, to be generous without rapt attention to the implications. Waste is to short-circuit the miracle of my manifestation, for how can we thrive when we won’t assimilate what’s available, the nutritious now? Waste is to deny my future self’s guidance, after a perilous transition and countless ergs of effort. waste is the signature of the prison culture. waste is to not be present in any moment, like giving touch to a selfish and confused girl and expecting a direct return, even recognition or gratitude. to forget that she is but a cosmic circuit and I am touching all including myself. healing is the release of outcomes and agenda, waste is insisting on cause and effect, on equal exchange, tit for tat. waste is pleading for mercy.

deny the infinite possibilities of the moment

lying – is fear and loathing of self. to eviscerate myself behind words and or deeds. to attempt to erase and disappear what i am, to appear more palatable, acceptable and worthy based on some criteria other than what I know to be vital and authentic. to fade for some arbitrary other. to be shamed by and hate what i am, what i’ve learned, what i’ve created, what i’ve accomplished.

to refuse to feel gratitude for my life, for my people. that is a lying

anger – knowing that there is an enemy, an oppressor, a torturer, an arbitrary authority armed to the teeth, bristling with annihilation and pain, craving my despair and destruction while I am inadequate, unprepared, ill equipped and deserving of every attack. to capitulate out of self pity, doubt and despair. to not realize the opportunity of this energy, the chance to widen the radar, to open the moment and live large. anger is to give up and accept situations at face value without any creative revelation.

i can only be angry if forget to be vigilant and inquisitive, feeling the fundamental connection everywhere

apathy – to be numb and stuck, to not martial the top shelf powers, the denial of ubiquitous and scintillating choices, to ignore the fascinating potions of my personal apothecary, to miss the glowing tell tales of my interface, to lie down and die just when things are getting interesting.

apathy is only possible if i can’t even imagine smiling

token effort, half assed execution, half hearted attempt – to almost try, to be conflicted about outcome, failure to muster adequate power to achieve a worthy end because i just don’t believe in myself enough to really pull it off, or that I don’t deserve the benefits. logging in the miasma of procrastination, artificial impoverishment choking off choice and possibility, nothing matters, what’s the point?

if I am somehow able to convince myself that I am merely bones and muscle, that’s the recipe for token effort

anguish – believing my suffering is unique, that I only struggle and stumble. to close off every channel and pretend somehow that I am alone. to not ask for and find some help

if within my grasp and sight, there is not one weed growing, nor scrawny sapling shrugging back the sidewalk, nor a tiny bug minding it’s own extravagant business then I can feel anguish.

sloppy, disorganized – to roam hither and yon as if every moment doesn’t matter, to take our gifts for granted and squander the essential treasures of joy, competency and focus. to allow the tools and powers to rust and atrophy, like some flavor of consumer culture slave.

I can only feel sloppy or disorganized if i don’t rise up long and tall, ready to receive my lover’s kiss or a perfect pie to the face

distrust – to think that somehow i can be destroyed by a collapsing sword, a toy gun, a flicker and shadow. in any situation, the danger is only what i decide I cannot handle, wherever i define the edge where I start and other begins

i can only feel distrust if I forget who i am, the narrator of this story

complaining, burying, excuses, rationalization – why do i have to play the character i auditioned for, why do I have to follow the script that I myself wrote? to complain is to rail against what I myself have created rather than recreate it moment to moment. to not take responsibility for my own creation in this world, for what I myself have wrought for whatever ends. rather than look at the motivations and the blueprint for what I inevitably and unfailingly achieve, I curse the outcome, my fate. ha! fate is only the working out of a formula of my own making. when I don’t take responsibility for my own wonderful and ingenious manifestations. i meant to do that.

i can only experience complaining if i shirk responsibility for my circumstances, rather than marveling at and celebrating it’s grand potential
i can only do excuses  if I don’t throw up my hands and make the ecstatic query – can you dig it?

pain or pleasure without consciousness – to miss the best part, eat the cob and miss the corn.

it’s about the moment to moment wonder, and the only way this can get away is if I do. if I choose to go elsewhere, I can have pain or pleasure without consciousness. whatever is going down, I’ll try and stay for the party

The main principle is low or no impact to the tree. Weight is unavoidable of course, we’re asking the tree to take more than it’s own weight. Can we integrate the additional weight into the design of the tree?

I admit to ignorance here, but let’s at least inventory our basic understanding. The bark is the living, growing skin of the tree. All the vital tubes run through the bark. One would imagine that the bark is designed to protect the tree from disease, as the outer skin that interfaces to the world. The bark probably also affords synergistic relationships with beneficial species. There’s probably all sorts of interesting things going on with bark that are not obvious. Until our house can completely integrate with bark function, we want to just leave the bark alone.

Attaching boards to a tree with nails means both perforating the tree’s skin and having the board press against the bark, preventing the bark from drying after rains and creating a shelf for dirt to accumulate. If we do something which either injures the bark or changes the conditions which bark is designed for, there’s likely going to be unforeseen bad consequences.

The wood under the bark is the weight bearing structure. Like the bones of our body, tree branches twist and curve, probably to form the strongest and most flexible design, based on both optimized DNA and environmental influences. Our house should follow the lead of the branches, especially since we want our house to extend horizontally away from the central trunk. If our house integrates with the tree, the tree will continue to be healthy and adapt to the extra weight, growing stronger to support it.

Patrick and I have been thinking about hanging tree houses, using rope instead of nails to hold onto the tree. This might be something like a hammock, able to twist and swing in the wind with the tree. The hammock house would be a non static structure – with it’s own inherent benefits for those who dwell within. Industrial humans are used to living in static structures. What I assembled this morning is a hybrid – a hanging static structure that wouldn’t bang into the tree or abrade the bark, causing damage.

My idea is for a bearing. Picture an ideal tree, long straight trunk with a canopy of branches. Just below the canopy is a bearing, which rings the trunk and hangs from the branches with ropes. It is the structural spine of the house. This bearing can spin with the twisting of the branches, but it doesn’t come in contact with the bark. The entire house extends out from the ring bearing or bearings, as there could be a second bearing below the first, perhaps one for each floor of the house. Using the materials shorthand of the modern age, the bearing could be a hinged steel cylinder, strong enough to support horizontal structure sticking out from it. The inner surface of the bearing would be held out from the bark by a concentric spikes drilled into the trunk.

The bearing spikes perforate the bark but they don’t actually bear weight, they just keep the bearing off the bark and allow drainage, sunlight etc.  Granted, that’s still an impact. The other impact is how the ropes attach to the branches. A sling of wide webbing loops over the crotches of the branch, and ropes are then connected to these via hardware. The slings press against the bark, but their width distributes the load so that the bark isn’t damaged, hopefully. The hardware below the sling keep the sling stationary, so it doesn’t abrade the bark when the branches sway. Ok, that’s the entire vision so far.

There’s plenty of questions and problems here, metal for one. Where’s all this metal coming from in our utopian sustainable world? Not that there wouldn’t be some metal… but ring bearings big enough to go around a tree? How about as the trunk grows thicker, the bearings would need to also expand. Is there another natural material that could be adjusted as the tree grew? I got to thinking about a vegetable based curing resin – like epoxy, is there such a thing? Epoxy allows all sorts of shapes to be cast or formed, but it’s petro based. Is it possible to brew it from nature, a super shellac? Then wood fiber or hair could replace the glass. Of course there’s genetic modification, but that’s already so stupidly deployed that it’s likely to be a despised tech for generations. Genetic modification that considers all implications of the glowing fish/tomato? Not in this culture. That’s a tech that should be just banned commercially until we evolve beyond greed. As if.

Anyway, the hanging, spinning tree house. A tree boat. The bearing idea allows for a rigid structure to mesh with a flexible living support. Getting intimate with trees might help industrial age humans evolve.  It’s a burden on the tree sure, but we are asking the tree for help, and with our primitive technology and understanding, it’s a start. Trees are frickin’ smart!

Another benefit of the hammock house is that it can be moved, components could be packed in to the forest and assembled. Big steel bearings don’t jive with that vision.

Ok, revelation. I’ve stalled on exploring my feelings about the finish of DOG. Everything’s all sorted and set up, but I haven’t actually started. That must mean we are on the verge of cracking open some uncomfortable material. In a way, it’s exciting. I may be about to make a deep discovery. I thought the visualization history was rock bottom, but the root goes deeper. Yikes. I admit to feeling unsettled and a little sad. What now? How messed up am I?

March of the skeletons, let’s open the closet.

Why do I want to get DOG done?

•  frustrated with being in process
•  lame to be working on one short for 6 years. The sooner it’s over the better
•  please DOG, not 7 years
•  I can dedicate myself to the next project, using all the lessons I learned on DOG
•  new actors, wider network, more resources, better planning
•  accepted into festivals, touring, community
•  accomplishment
•  folks will laugh and enjoy
•  open awareness
•  quirky humor escapes into the world
•  insight into world affairs through the secret stories emerging over time
•  techniques toolbox
•  credibility as a filmmaker
•  end of self critique – pariah, poser
•  original actors and crew finally have closure
•  VFX team established
•  many intriguing ideas for new projects
•  remake DOG properly with larger budget, and more experience – maybe eg Raimi’s ED and ED2
•  some aspects of DOG are genius – realized
•  get laid more often, bliss sharing, true love
•  increase confidence
•  wider crowd of gifted collaborators
•  enable folks with integrity to flourish through future collaboration
•  wield influence to change brains and steward wilds
•  leaving this project unfinished is a bad precedent
•  released from bondage
•  start on a feature with a track record
•  lots of great memories
•  the making of DOG – drugs, illegal immigration and terrorism
•  there’s been so much effort so far, aside from this blog and ‘experience’ there will be a tangible result
•  demonstrate restraint in scope of work, work within limits (time) and am able to wrap my first (major) film
•  comfortable reaching out to collaborators
•  clear workspace, possibilities
•  get laid

from history

Daughter of God is a vehicle for piercing the veil

2.2.2 never the same movie twice, linear i ching

2.1.3 success

2.1.3.1 accepted 3 oscar qualifying festivals 2011

2.1.3.2 awards / recognition for innovation/experimental, visual impact/effects, story

2.1.3.3 vehicle for future funding, collaboration, career

2.1.3.4 500,000 views in first 6 months after release

2.1.3.5 favorable reviews and appreciation by relevant players

2.1.3.6 spanish or chinese subtitle versions

I can strive to be fully alive. That’s what this art thing is all about, the art of life.

awakened human beings enjoying an experience of themselves as stewards of the spaceship and adventurers in the cosmos

What’s the point of making movies? To transform awareness. Our spaceship is in danger, we’ve got to bust a move.

r and d

what if there were b-roll custom built from scratch that took the moment to another level?

What does memory look like? What do thoughts look like? What is the magic ingredient that makes reality real?

create a visual and audio style or environment that tells us we are in thought space, a bridging mode, the spine of the narrative

turbocharged vignette that serves up an emotional cocktail to nuance the next moment… If we think of xroll as the spine of the narrative… contrasts to b-roll in that it’s central as opposed to peripheral

mistakes are what I’ve got in spades and they are the basis for most everything I don’t suck at

documenting and sharing via blogs

a tool to clarify and plan projects

sharing my process so that others can benefit from my mistakes and triumphs – that’s sort of open source and creative commons ethic

When I can consistently articulate what’s happening, I feel more efficient

Public really means available to my clan. Let’s face it, most of the folks who are willing to wade through this dross already know me

Why don’t I want to get DOG done?

•  DOG may turn out to be mediocre despite my best efforts. After 6 years of effort, having a mediocre short will be pretty embarrassing. If DOG is eternally in process I won’t have to face failure.
•  social life, getting outside, road trips, small projects and quick hits of intensity, collaboration
•  lots of logistics will kick in – legal and promotion – that have nothing to do with images and moments
•  what if I can’t ever get it finished? working to finish it is futile
•  there are better projects I can focus on, that’s why I initiated ALM.
•  DOG is just good money/time after bad
•  a lot of work for just a short
•  nobody cares except me
•  loose friends

history

The answer can be found in tai chi – balance. It’s no good to stare at screens only, I’ve got to have a life.

•••

Ok, that’s the first wave circa 12/4/11. I may continue to add, but I’m ready to try the next step, which is to tease out the feelings associated with each reason to finish or not to finish. Ha, there’s a step I skipped, maybe.  It’s now 12/6/11, I had to back up and re-establish an ultimate hierarchy of the feelings I most and least want to  experience. After identifying DOG done / not done feelings, I would then map them to my hierarchy to see if they move me towards or away from my ultimate life. This will surely crack the scenario wide, and we’ll be able to make some serious omelettes. Stay tuned, still to do…

Why do I want to get DOG done?
What might happen to me then?
How will that make me feel?
Am I ok having these feelings?

Is there anything I rather do than get DOG done?
What might happen to me then?
How does that make me feel?
Am I ok having these feelings?

What goals have I achieved?
How does that make me feel?

What has distracted me?
How does that make me feel?

What is my consistent practice?
How does that make me feel?